Saliva: The Sprightly Chronicles of Lactox

today i was walking to the post office to mail my rent check and i saw up ahead on the sidewalk this kind of old grizzled guy holding a coffee cup talking really loud and gesticulating wildly with his hands to this majestically bearded hobo who was just sitting there listening patiently. if there's anything i've learned it's that homeless people and hobos are absolute geniuses, albeit in their own way. that's why they're homeless, because their brains are so filled with magic that there's no room for handling dull everyday administrative tasks that most people need to be able to do to survive. so i purposefully delayed crossing the street just to eavesdrop and i was not disappointed.

grizzled old guy: HE WAS USING HIS MIND TO BEND THE LIGHT AROUND HIM AND CLOAK HIMSELF TO MAKE HIMSELF INVISIBLE! ONLY OTHER PERSON THAT'S EVER BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT WAS JESUS!
hobo: ::nodding approvingly::

syracuse has all the craziness of nyc but fewer places to hide it. oh yeah and there's not as much to do.

also i took this picture today... there's five woodchucks that live under the house behind mine. i love them more than i thought it was capable for  a human to experience love

it's so awesome how the week when i have four papers due is the week that my spring allergies come out of nowhere to completely overpower me. the other day i had mentioned to my adviser how i'm also allergic to most all vegetables... and she asked a pretty appropriate question in response. "wow... so did you ever think what you were originally designed for?... like why are you made that way?"

i didn't have a good answer then but i do now. i'm pretty sure i'm here for the sole purpose to serve as prey for another animal. like in prehistoric times i was supposed to be the clumsy weak allergic runt in the pack of homo sapiens that gets picked off by a bobcat. i'm sort of ok with this.

yesterday it was 50 F. today it is 10 F.

that's all i really have to say right now.

whoever it was.. thank you!!

http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com/index.php?comicID=235

i have not felt very motivated at all recently. i turn 28 thursday and i feel like that's bullshit.. or i would if i didn't feel so numb

After floating my dead baby joke around to a number of places.. it was met with tepid response... so I put it into cartoon form to try to see if it's funnier when tiny anthropomorphic bears say it!!

i'm so retarded.

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch?e=20090108140557347

Q: what's really pretty but filled with maggots?

A: a dead baby's head with a wig stapled to it!

i made it up this morning. my dream is to one day come up with one that gains entrance in the generally recognized global pantheon of dead baby jokes

one of the things i miss most about being a kid is all the really odd associations i would make between different things, due mostly from my ignorance of them. for example i remember when i was like 8 or 9, this kid would get on my bus every morning shortly after i got picked up at my stop. and i always thought he smelled like egg nog. If this sounds like a weird accusation to make, it gets even more confusing when you consider the fact that back then i had never actually tasted or smelled egg nog before in my life, and i never actually smelled any odor coming off this kid either. i just had an idea in my mind of what something called "egg nog" should smell like,  and then decided that this kid had an appearance that resembled the personification of my own personal mental construction of what egg nog might be, never having experienced it myself. The exquisite nonsense of this logic is one of my most magical childhood memories.

A couple years later this kid and i actually became friends, and continued to be mostly all through middle school ... i quickly realized the idiocy of my egg nog suspicions, but every so often, up through my adolescence, whenever i hung out with him i would sniff the air to see if i could detect the faint scent of egg nog just to be sure.

i drew this two weeks ago when i was obsessed with the idea of pregnant astronauts ... it's really stupid

i'm so gay for my dog